Sunny with a chance of cloudy head syndrome

So I have this thing where my head hurts bt it’s not a headache ,I’m happy yet sad and exhausted yet running on anxiety . Yes I am one of many mental

illness sufferers and have been since I had kids .
I am not well ATM so I think I will be visiting docs next week as I just want to cry and sleep ATM .but recently have had a sense of mania where I’ve not stopped .
Half hour ago I was in the kitchen crying into my dinner after yelling at the kids which I now feel guilty for .
Since we moved they do not leave me alone and my bad head has started again . I am receiving counselling ATM and Tuesday we touched on a few issues and I really cried and realised I’m not well and I’ve almost been putting on a act ! I wasn’t even aware of .
Moving has triggered my past and my confidence and self esteem have been on the decline for several months now for various reasons .
Saying these things out lots in the counselling room made me really upset as was shock to hear them .

I am frustated tired and lonely and being a single parent is tough!
I feel I have no life ATM and do everything for my kids .yes this is how it should be bt as a human my needs are not being met which leads to frustrations etc .

Today for example started off great I’ve ensured lynx is entertained and Estelle had plans to meet friends. How we’ve despite this they still ended up getting under my feet following me around house so I couldn’t even have a bath in peace .

This week has also been hard as Estelle has barely been at school so I’ve not had that time in day to do what I want to do. It’s also been my birthday my mums birthday who isn’t here any longer and of course Mother’s Day tomorrow .the kids didn’t get me a card for my birthday which il admit I was annoyed about and I know already I havnt gt a card for tomorrow . I go out of my way for their special days and it’s hurt me a bit that they havnt even made me a card.
I feel invisible and insignifant these days .

I don’t have a social life ,no job , no partner .i was very active with exercise last year bt I then had lots of illnesses and moving has put that on hold .

I am happy now we have a bigger place etc and I love my kids but recently I’ve lost my spark and zest for life .
I turned 31 on Wednesday I feel at lest 51!

I know I need to make few changes to rectify things but hey easier said than done .

I embrace and accept I have mental illness but days like today I don’t like it at all.i feel like a bad mum after today and guilty!

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BOOK REVIEW -BOUNDLESS MAGICK BY LOWVEE COLE

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BOUNDLESS MAGICK BY LOWVEE COLE

SEVENTEEN YEAR OLD ABIGAIL STONE LIVES IN EXILE ON PRESENT DAY BLOCK ISLAND,MAGICALLY BINDED BECAUSE OF HER FAMILYS UNSEEMLY PAST.BUT,ONE NIGHT ,DURING A FREAK STABLE ACCIDENT,HER POWERS MYSTERIOUSLY RETURN .

ABIGAIL HAS ENOUGH TROUBLE GRASPING THE IDEA THAT SHE CAN SUDDENLY MAKE MAGIC.SHE DOESNT NEED THE ADDED COMPLICATION OF FACING CAPITAL PUNISHMENT FOR SEVERING A COUNCIL -ENFORCED BIND.LUCKILY ,THE  COUNCIL AGREES TO SPARE HER LIFE .HOWEVER,THEY CANNOT IGNORE THE DARK AND DANGERUS FORCE SHE HAS SPAWNED IN THEIR WORLD WITH HER CRIME.THEY ORDER ABIGAIL THE SIXTEENTH-CENTURY WICCAN KINGDOM OF ADEHYA.THERE,THEY SECRETLY TRAIN HER TO DEFEAT THE EVIL SHE CONJURED,WHICH NOW THREATENS TO CONSUME THE COSMOS.

THE COUNCILS PLAN IS SHATTERED HEN ABIGAIL FALLS FOR AN OFF LIMITS PRINCE.THEIR FORBIDDEN ROMANCE LEAVES ABIGAIL AT THE MERCY OF THE ONLY  ENTITY THAT CAN HELP HER FULFILL HER DESTINY :A VENGEFUL WICCAN GODDESS WHO WANTS ABIGAIL DEAD .

 

I was sent a copy to review from the author so thank you for giving me that oppornity.
Its different from what I would normally choose to read but I believe as a avid reader its important to read a variety of genres.
This is the authors first book and I think considering this the book is brilliant and captivating. I really felt like I was transported to another world of magic, spells ,love and history.

The book is aimed for young adult but as a 31 year old mum I found it still enough to keep me turning the pages .

There were some parts I found difficult to stay focused on but im going to put this down to it being not my typical read.

Overall a exciting tale and look forward to seeing the success of this debut author .

You can the author on twitter @lowveecole

 

 

 

 

Aside

Well its been a while and every time I have gone to write a post I’ve struggled as out of practise !

So my little family has now moved from a cramped 2 bed flat to a house with the luxury of a garden an the children now have their own bedrooms .We have waited a long time and are very happy.

However it has been a big upheaval and we are all still adjusting to the changes ! As anyone and everyone knows who’s ever moved will know how stressful moving is . The million phone calls ,emails packing and unpacking. We also have gone from private to council so you move in with no carpets etc so its preparing myself for a lot of saving and decorating to get the house feeling like home. I have done lynxs bedroom and last night he slept in his own room after  being in with me for weeks !  This is strange as he now has his own space for the first time ever.

As always when life is hectic my health suffers ! I have had a water infection and have pulled  a muscle in my back .  This resulted in me visiting urgent care last week and was advised  to slow down … I did laugh ! So that put a halt to my decorating plans and also plans on hitting the pool! So ive took doctors advise and had a few lazy days ,well lazy as possible with 2 kids lol .

Its all change regarding the kids lives too as we live further away from the schools so it involves lots of traveling which does get tiring .I have put lynxs name down for the local school so fingers crossed he wont have too much of a wait .Though this will be difficult as he will be starting somewhere new and have to make new friends etc which he struggles with and unsettles him due to his autism .

Anyway that is all for now just wanted to get back into the blog .

write again soon