Sunny with a chance of cloudy head syndrome

So I have this thing where my head hurts bt it’s not a headache ,I’m happy yet sad and exhausted yet running on anxiety . Yes I am one of many mental

illness sufferers and have been since I had kids .
I am not well ATM so I think I will be visiting docs next week as I just want to cry and sleep ATM .but recently have had a sense of mania where I’ve not stopped .
Half hour ago I was in the kitchen crying into my dinner after yelling at the kids which I now feel guilty for .
Since we moved they do not leave me alone and my bad head has started again . I am receiving counselling ATM and Tuesday we touched on a few issues and I really cried and realised I’m not well and I’ve almost been putting on a act ! I wasn’t even aware of .
Moving has triggered my past and my confidence and self esteem have been on the decline for several months now for various reasons .
Saying these things out lots in the counselling room made me really upset as was shock to hear them .

I am frustated tired and lonely and being a single parent is tough!
I feel I have no life ATM and do everything for my kids .yes this is how it should be bt as a human my needs are not being met which leads to frustrations etc .

Today for example started off great I’ve ensured lynx is entertained and Estelle had plans to meet friends. How we’ve despite this they still ended up getting under my feet following me around house so I couldn’t even have a bath in peace .

This week has also been hard as Estelle has barely been at school so I’ve not had that time in day to do what I want to do. It’s also been my birthday my mums birthday who isn’t here any longer and of course Mother’s Day tomorrow .the kids didn’t get me a card for my birthday which il admit I was annoyed about and I know already I havnt gt a card for tomorrow . I go out of my way for their special days and it’s hurt me a bit that they havnt even made me a card.
I feel invisible and insignifant these days .

I don’t have a social life ,no job , no partner .i was very active with exercise last year bt I then had lots of illnesses and moving has put that on hold .

I am happy now we have a bigger place etc and I love my kids but recently I’ve lost my spark and zest for life .
I turned 31 on Wednesday I feel at lest 51!

I know I need to make few changes to rectify things but hey easier said than done .

I embrace and accept I have mental illness but days like today I don’t like it at all.i feel like a bad mum after today and guilty!

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