Book review The fault in our stars -JOHN GREEN

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Well I am a huge  bookworm and have been from such a young age and I have a blog yet I’ve not been brave enough yet to review a book….strange I know !!

So I read this and knew I had to basically rave about this until you go and read it.

I have seen this around and heard it mentioned on twitter but never really knowing what it was about and I’ve never read any of his work. I think the cover of this book doesn’t give anything away which is what makes you love it even more . You enter this book with no idea what your going into .You are rewarded by the end  although wiping your face dry 😦 I knew it was being released as a film and a trailer was online ,I knew I had to read the book before even watching trailer . I have a  thing where I cant read the book after seeing the film ,to me it takes some of the magic away .

BLURB;Despite the tumor-shrinking medical miracle that has bought her a few years, Hazel has never been anything but terminal, her final chapter inscribed upon diagnosis. But when a gorgeous plot twist named Augustus Waters suddenly appears at Cancer Kid Support Group, Hazel’s story is about to be completely rewritten.

“I fell in love the way you fall asleep: slowly, then all at once.”

Insightful, bold, irreverent, and raw The Fault in Our Stars is award-winning author John Green’s most ambitious and heartbreaking work yet brilliantly exploring the funny , thrilling, and tragic business of being alive and in love.

I have been very fortunate to not have encountered cancer in any way  and this book enabled me to  go on a journey with hazel ,Gus and their families .It touched me so deep and on a level no book ever has . Although its a tear jerker there are lovely romantic funny moments which give the message of hope and embracing life . 

So if you haven’t read then my order is to read it !!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

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the cloud in my head and heart (DEPRESSION)

Well its back and I don’t know if its that alone that’s affecting me or its life’s situations that are amplifying my illness.

I have battled for years with depression and anxiety and I feel I have learnt to manage it well knowing what triggers it and what helps it .

However in winter with grey skies cold weather it is hard !!I was ill for long time physically so gt out of shape and routine with my exercise which I know really helps me to have focus and release endorphins. And with anything  its hard to get back into routine .I have been slowly but several other factors are making me feel low and isolated .

I was receiving cbt through mind but they have discharged me !! nightmare and ive had to self refer mysef back .Having theray as sad as it sounds gives me somewhere to go and have someone to listen to ME!!! its also interaction with another adult.This is becoming a rarity this days often going days with having no conversations except with my children which is often just me nagging them !!

Being a single parent is rewarding bla bla but bloody hell its isolating ,lonely and hard . No one to ask how u r an how ur day has been ??

Im currently not working or studying which is the first time for long time and this is taking its toll on my confidence and self esteem and also having a purpose .

Their dad is basically a part time dad yet does no wrong and its very frstating and im exhausted but aware depression is making this worse.

My son is autistic and can b very full on and my daughter is 12 with a attitude .And some days when ive nagged for the 10th time that week about the same thing quite frankly I want to jus curl u in bed and cry .

This is where twitter comes in and I will apologise now for some days my tweets are too negative but bear in mind its often my only link to anyone and it helps .  

I know my mood will lift and I know what I need to do but somedays its just soo hard .

 

Long wkd !!

It’s been one of those weekends where I’ve felt the strain of being single parent . Pressure ,emotions running high ,arguments ,tears to name a few features of this wet January weekend .
I try very hard to make my children happy and at times I do question y I do it? Because when ur 12 year old is yelling in your face all the wrong u do it’s so hard to focus and remember the good u do to.
That’s the thing I feel the strain with most as being a single parent is having no one to turn to ,to hold me physically and emotionally . When all you have are your kids and they decide they don’t like you what do you do???
I suffer with depression and anxiety so it’s often a battle in itself to b positive !
I think if there wasn’t outlets like twitter I would crack up ! People may read my tweets and think god she’s negative ! I’m really not it’s just sometimes that is my sounding off place 😦
It gets very lonely at timeS and u question and doubt everything you do and there’s no break !

But anyway heres to a good week which I am starting my swimming back up after a long break due to illness and Xmas .i must admit I’m nervous about going again but know I will reap the rewards of going 🙂

For those who follow me on twitter will notice I have been doing the 100 happy days challenge which is a fantastic idea.i must admit some days are easier than others but it really does make you mindful of the positive even if something little .

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Computer says no !!

We all remener that little Britain sketch with David walliams as the lady who wasn’t very helpful in her jobs!! And it is funny on tv however in real life it’s not so funny!
Rudeness and no use of manners r things I hate .
My doctors receptionist are a joke and treat patients with very little respect .you can never get a appointment and they don’t go out their way to assist you .
Take this afternoon for example I took lynx to the chemist regarding a swollen sore on his thumb which appears to have got infected . The chemist said he needed to be seen by the doctors .so I thought il take him in there and wait if need to so he can get some medicine .
We got there about 3.45 to a deserted waiting room and the usual rude receptionist is there .so I explained the situation and was told with a straight face no there’s no appointments ….end of ! I asked of I could wait to see the doctor …was answered no ..
So I now have to take him off school for the morning so he can be seen at open surgery .WEll I was fuming as really could she not even have asked a dr to pop him down for quick appointment .
I can understand they are busy etc but it was the receptionist complete disinterest in my sons situation and her attitude !
In 2014 is it too much to ask to be greeted with manners and do people not want to help anymore?
Needless to say I will be complaining .

Adoption

This week is Barnados 6th fostering and adoption week ,its goal being to highlight  this issue and recruit more carer and potential adoptive parents .I only knew this through the wonders  of twitter and saw a program advertised which struck a chord with me .Channel 4 showed a  programme called finding mum and dad on Wednesday 15th January ,I knew it would affect me emotionally so I saw it as a good feature to write about .I played it safe and didn’t watch it when it was on as knew I wouldn’t sleep so watched the day after and got my tissues ready.

The programme showed the pilot scheme of adoption activity days  in which children currently in foster care go to and meet prospective parents. The idea behind the scheme is that the potential parents see beyond what’s written in black and white on a child’s file    and get to meet them . For me I found it was very painful and awkward to watch as it felt like a cattle market and couldn’t help but think how would the children feel if no one came over to play with them ?? As in often the case with children in care girls and especially younger ones are easier to place in adoption so at one of these days the adults would be more likely to interact with these.

In the programme we saw the stories of few children who had been in foster care for a while including brothers Connor and Daniel who I  have to say I fell in love with .They were loving polite and so cute and felt so sad at why they were in care and even more sad that no interest had been shown in them .We saw them attend the adoption party and enjoyed dressing up as superhero’s and they were very aware of why and where they were going .However there wasn’t much interaction done with them and I think it was because they were brothers and the foster carer found it very emotional and she even wrote to the people in charge expressing how she felt uncomfortable about the whole experience . Their foster carer asked Connor about what his new family will be like and he said happy proud and beautiful and his brother will be to here .He also said he wants to live with his mum and dad and if in a year they will b better to live with .By the end of programme they had been to 3 adoption activity days and there had been no interest, there was a meeting to discuss their future and the possibility that they will be separated. It is easier to put children in care when individual  ,by this stage I was in floods of tears as it brought it all back to me .However it was decided to keep the boys together which I think was a great decision and I really hope they find a loving family soon.

There was also a boy called Scott in care and his sister who had been living with him had already been adopted and we saw him go into her  empty bedroom  😦

The foster carers explained the difference in being adopted and being a foster kid, its about the status stigma that goes with the label of being a kid in care .whereas when a child is adopted it shows that someone has gone that extra mile and put that effort into making you a part of their family.

The programme did show a successful story with Thomas going to court and getting his adoption  legalised and finalised  and saw the family celebrating calling it Thomas day .

Watching this programme brought up a lot of emotions for me as when I was 8 I was adopted and unfortunately it wasn’t a happy ending in that I have had no contact with them for over 10 years . I was adopted separately from my siblings which was very hard and the whole thing has affected me how I am as a adult in every role I take .When I was watching the adoption activity day I was asking myself how would I have felt going to one of these ? is it a fair and ethical experience for all involved ?  With being in care in the first place there is a element of rejection and even now at age of 30 I have a lot of issues surrondig self esteem and trust .How would a  child feel to kee going to these events and not being successful ??  That’s not to say its not working and wont provide loving homes for chilen which is the main thing . I just wanted to write It from the insight of someone who has been in care and adopted .

In a ideal world I would be fostering and give help to those who need it but at the moment Im not in a position to do so .

.Could you ?? Go check out Barnados website http://www.barnardos.org.uko

Thank you for reading 🙂

 

 

 

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