3 days on and I’m still thinking of TRAVIS MADDOX!! I picked this book up as a bargain in the works and I had heard good things. I started reading early evening and in between sorting kids out etc. I finished in the very early hours of sat morning .I ended up crying after reading this book and you tubing videos of it and Google images of Travis lol I even ordered walking disaster straight away. When a book really affects me I struggle to move on to another book leaving me with what I call a book hangover also wanting to find my own Travis. I laughed smiled and cried and even felt my heart which has nt been warmed by a man for a while melt!
I wanted to write this yesterday as the thoughts and words were fresh in my mind however lynx had different ideas !!! With his autism some evenings he becomes quite unsettled .Think it was the clocks changing which seems to have affected all of us .Tho I think there was an underlying reason as to him being unsettled and that being the fact he hasn’t seen his dad for 2 months .Yes that’s right 2 months !!!! I miss my kids after they been at school for 6 hours let alone 2 months . Its difficult for mel as a adult to et my head round it and understand so can’t imagne what it’s like for the children .estelle is 11going on 15 with hormones racing around her body and settling into the new environment of secondary school .then lynx who is autistic so can’t handle change and disruption to routine well at all . So any normal adult situation is difficult for children to grasp so imagne this situation ??
A bit of background story to explain the man who is their dad . We met young and settled down giving us both the family and hope we had longed for and needed .We was together 8 years and he probable will always be the love of my life however that love was very unhealthy and consuming of rage violence and control . There were lots of good times and good aspects to him which helped me grow as I met him so young .I was 17 a virgin and never experienced love before so I embraced any affection I was giviem from him thinking it was great . However as the years went by and I grew a voice and my own mind I realised this wasn’t how I wanted my life to be ,living on egg shells and spending more days crying than smiling . I left him in 2008 starting again with the children . I will go into more details another time of that time frame for today I want to focus on the children. At first he was still actively in their life having them half the week but I think he still thought I was going to come back . When he realised I wasn’t was when he changed and got nasty and eventually stopped having the kids . I did a lot of moving for various reasons eventually moving back to London .in 2009 court proceedings started which was a stressful time and a contact order was set up . He had to build a relationship up with the children starting small with a few hours a month in contact centre gradually building up to him having them overnight . With this has brought lots of challenges and emotions for me and the kids . Anyway this brings is to now October 2013 after he has been having them monthly for the last 2years he has now not seen them since august . What you have to bear in mind with my ex is that he’s not like most men in fact he’s quite unique in his thought processes . I sometimes think his goal in life especially after I’ve left him is to cause me stress rather than focusing on being the best dad he can be . The reason why he’s not seen his kids is because he now thinks I should travel to Waterloo to meet him with the kids as he lives in Bournemouth .my reason for saying no are that with him you give him a inch he takes a mile and why should I make his life easier ? This is a man who has reported me to the police and social services and even tried to get me on the Jeremy Kyle show !!! 😱😱 he doesn’t financially support his kids and he only has them once a month . So as a result if me saying no he has not seen his kids.
Where does this leave me and the situation with the kids?? It has amplified tensions between me and Estelle because she is a daddy’s girl and literally thinks his shit don’t stink ! She will join him in bad mouthing me and never defends me which is very painful to me.we have had arguments when my mask and shield have slipped some days and I can’t b nice coz he’s her dad ! For them it’s black and white but it’s so many more colours ! He still rings them twice a week and texts which has caused problems . It’s a very lonely time as I don’t know if I’m dealing with it the best way .
When we start a family we don’t plan on this being the end result and there is a element of guilt in all this .however another reason I left him was for the safety and happiness of the children . But for now I’m the bad cop especially in Estelle’s eyes and it’s difficult . Sometimes wonder who’s rooting for me ? Who’s got my back in all this as I try and be strong for the kids and take the crap.
I love my kids so much but I won’t lie as a single mum it is tough so it’s a shock to system not having a break .we all need to charge our batteries time to time and I’m getting over a virus and chest infection at present and it’s half term! So I’ve been resting as much as possible and luckily Estelle is old enough to help me a little bit lol
Thank you for reading x
This evening was Lynxs year 3. Parents eve which i never quite know how is going to be! Feeling under the weather this week so wasn’t really in best place for it however his teacher was full of praise and encouragement about lynx . He’s progressed really well and partaking in lot of intervention groups for support I’m his learning and social skills .
He’s happier and confident as a result .
With his autism he does have bad days which can b heightened as a result of tiredness or change of routine . It’s half term next week and I think he’s very ready to break up as he’s getting slightly agitated and unsettled the last few days . So some days he doesn’t want to go to school and he’s very much a boy who likes to be at home 🙂
As his mum j have to find ways to support his learning and make it manageable and find ways to alleviate any stresses . He struggles with homework especially writing and spellings .i use a puzzle method of learning his spellings which means he’s being creative and breaks it down a little bit .i also actively encourage any interest he has and build a way around that area for him learn and grow . For example he has discovered roald Dahl so we have had trips to library and even treated him to a book from wh smith .to see his face light up looking at the book reading or just imagining and often listening to me reading to him is a amazing feeling .
Happy that parents eve was a success well done lil man .
Just for fun and for anyone nosy enough to know 20 things,they could get boring lol
- Favourite colour is purple
- Starsign is aries
- Favourite animal is frogs
- I don’t like coffee
- I don’t smoke
- Love earl grey tea
- Love spicy food
- I believe in ghosts
- love superheros !!!
- I am married not yet divorced
- love books and librarys
- Love swimming
- I cant ride a bike
- I have been in newspaper more than once
- I am adopted
- I am messy and unorganised
- night owl not early bird
- im not a big fan of shopping …yes I am female lol
This sept saw a very big change for me as a mum and one I had openly been dreading ! My beautiful daughter started secondary school and she was very ready for this next step .however mummy wasn’t ! For me it represented change and a end of a era . Where have the years gone? Will she b ok? Will she go off the rails? Will she get good grades? These were some of the many questions going over in my head and for someone who suffers with anxiety it was a struggle.
It also brought memories to me of less happier times of when I was 11 and I think I’ve struggled relating to Estelle at times because she’s not had the same experiences as me and this has caused friction and problems in communication between mother and daughter.
she has pushed the boundaries and tested me since the summer really and this is all about her finding who she is however I’ve had to reevaluate my parenting skills which has been quite painful.as let’s be honest we as mums don’t want to admit we could be wrong ? Due to my past being a good mum is very important to me and I probably put too much pressure on myself at times .
However we are approaching half term and I’m pleased to say Estelle is really happy and settled in year 7 .shes organised with her homework showing dedication bt also made new friends which she sees most weekends and going to the schools Halloween disco . The relief that I can say this is brilliant and a weight off my shoulders !
Now just need to curb the little chip on my wonderful daughters shoulders lol
Hello ive had this page set activated for a while now but just not got round to getting stuck in,im still not sure how it all works!!!
Thought id start my explaining who I am and what I hope to blog about .Im Charlene the wrong side of 30! single mum to 2 beautiful kids who make me proud bt also grey lol Estelle is 11 going on 15 and started secondary school September which has been big adjustment .Lincoln tho we call him lynx is 7 and hes autistic so u never know what the day brings with him but its sure exciting !! I will share my tales on them 🙂
Im studying counselling and also suffer with mental health so some days are greyer than others .I like to keep active as its good for mind and body.
Im a big bookworm and a self confessed geek!! Tho I do enjoy a lot of crap tv lol
That’s a brief overview of what I hope to share on my blog ,im now off to figure the bloody thing out lol xx