grey day

Well today has been a bit meh ,delayed reaction to the blue Monday ,general January blues I don’t know .But I do know that today marks 7 years ago I left my husband the kids dad and this kind of filled me with mixed emotion. Love is complex isn’t it ? No way would I ever go back or regret my decision but I would be lying if said I didn’t have moments of sadness at what has gone .He was the love of my life and amongst all the crap which was the majority there were still happy times and he showed me something I hadn’t had for many years …love and to belong .We met very young ,settled down very young but we had hopes and dreams to give our kids what we never had .

I never dreamt or planned on being a single mum and some days its bloody exhausting and you can miss having a team ,a partnership .

I do every bed time ,every meal time ,pay every bill ….everything and especially with a autistic child it can be draining .

Tonight for example I wanted a early night so of course lynx wouldn’t settle .They both stall their bedtimes so my ME time is vanishing in a evening which is why I have to have it when they at school .

I have just been grumpy ,lethargic and just a bit meh today .The winter does affect my depression and its kicked in quite late really! I am pushing myself to exercise weekly now kids back at school and doing dry January which has its harder days lol

I think hibernation sounds a good idea for winter ,il resurface in spring esp being a spring baby .

Few other things happened but that calls for another post regarding lynx .

I felt it was important for my on thoughts and feelings to write this and acknowledge that 7 years has passed and to reflect . I will write a more positive one about whats happened in those years but today felt kind of sad and that’s ok .

Tom is a new day and Thursdays are good as im on a course so I interact with other adults!

Now off to escape in  a  book and sleep 🙂