The most wonderful time of the year ?? REALLY ?

So its fast approaching with the shops displays and adverts on the tv .Now im not a scrooge I just think Christmas isn’t this wonderful thing for EVERYONE.I have wrote about it previously and im very honest about my mental health which is worst in the winter .

Society makes you feel like that this one day out of 365 that its going to be PERFECT and FABOULOUS .

We spend days ,weeks and months preparing for it yet it still comes round like a shock . I am quite organised,I have to be due to budgeting and havig estelles birthday in January and in fact I am very nearly done .

People who read my blogs and know a bit about me will know my family is confusing and its preety much just me and the kids .And as one of many single parents across the world we have to do that thing….sharing xmas đŸ˜¦ its their dads year this year but where he lives so far away and isn’t realy reasonable I don’t even get xmas eve or boxing day .So origionaly they would both be gone over xmas but this year due to lynx no longer going I will have him here .

Estelle has mentioned about not knowing if she wants to go because of leaving lynx but she is also very loyal to her dad and he does have a hold on her .

Xmas will be strange with one child and I don’t know how lynx will take it .

I just find xmas can highlight what you don’t have and why do we need that ?

Especially as a singe parent ,when you have kids you don’t plan on being a single parent .I miss having someone to share moments with  and again xmas is one of those times .

I don’t get presents and im the only one really there to see the joy on kids faces.

When im ever going to be able to accept this is my life and this is how it is ?

Each year I seem to lose touch and fall out with more and  more people and a lot of that is my doing as I just get to my wits end of chasing people,being mucked about and people who should be supportive aren’t . Also I think a lot of damage has been done to me psychologically in reagrds of building and maintain relationships . We cant help be a product of our past and yes we can take control of our futures .But we are allowed to be happy and secure .

Also with lynxs autism I feel a lot of people have drifted off the scene.

On the whole we manage but when events such as xmas come along it is a big reminder .

I think we grow up with a image of how things should be and when they arent we feel we have failed .

Various counsellors have also said that happens and big events are hard for those with depresson

We will have a lovely day but think its important to remember its not this great day for everyone .

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