So today the kids were off due to teachers being on strike and not once did I actually think wow this is gonna effect lynx and the lesson ive learnt today is autism is so unpredictable . Recently lynx has been sleeping well due to being on melatonin which has in all honesty given me a new lease of life. He has been actively trying new things and just things have been ‘ok’ …. suppose I was taken it for granted. Because boom tonight I feel numb and shit and largely guilty.
Today complety threw him as he thrives on routine and then ok we have a day off ?
You just never know when you are going to have a tough day . Then you have one and you kind of fee like ok my life is always going to be like this.
I adore lynx and im crying as I write this but u know what its tough .
To leave a event early through his behaviour and general hyperactivity …but I should have known it would have been too much today .To see him flapping and screaming covering ears waiting for our train …while Estelle looks on embarrassed. Having to guide him as he is stumbling down the street holding onto him in case he hurts himself or other people.
Tonight I just feel tired and so alone in it all .Its bloody hard and so unpredictable .I also have no one here to talk to give me hug make me a brew and just generally give me the tlc im always giving to lynx.
The truth is we don’t sign up for this when we have kids and some days its harder to deal with then others.
Today gave me a insight into the summer holidays and now hes not going to his dads ….you can kind of guess how im feeling .
a very honest negative account of my day im afraid but im a genuine mum and its important now to airbrush our lives and if anyone reads this thinking im glad im not alone in those thoughts then that’s even better .