I was going to write this last night but was too tired .Yesterday I was so full of emotions and sensitivity ,not sad or miserable just  overwhelmed maybe.

I have had Estelle off all week and by Thursday I could really feel the tension building inside me as hadn’t had a day off for 2 weeks,no actual peace to do my thing .Where ive been poorly ivve not been out and about as much s this affects my moods especialy not going swimming . Been on full on nurse duties with each of them in turns then by bedtime im shattered but of course lynx struggles to sleep so was just feeling like I couldn’t breathe.

So on that note of lynx and his sleep ,I finally managed to sleep to the paedtrician n Friday and after what felt like a parenting speech he said he would write a prescription out for melantonin . I understand he was doing his job but I found his approach unnessarcy as was asking me questions that made me feel like I was being judged on my parenting ,but I also know that a lot of that  is my perception.

I picked his tablets up and while on the bus home holding it I just felt like I wanted to cry . Its a mixture of emotions but I cant help but feel guilty giving him it and that its a sign of me not coping .I KNOW THIS ISNT THE CASE AT ALL . I just felt strange and even stranger when he went straight to sleep ….. I suppose this is all ive every known is having lynx up and I have to adjust to this posingly changing.

Of course I have thught about this for years and its only because its got to the point that I NEED him to sleep as its having a effect on him getting up in the morning for school ,struggling with the bus journey .It was having a effect on all our lives .

Us moving in February has rocked the boat for all of us in different ways.

We also had the news that his one true friend at school who looks after him is leaving 😦 this is the secnd time this has happened.I cried lynx cried .However I hope he will be moving shortly himself so we have to hold onto that .

As I have said before my periods have stopped but I still get really hormonal  which is frustrating .

Back to lynx and his first night on melatonin It wrkd and I watched tv in peace and crashed on sofa lol .

Looking forward to chilling today reading and watching the BGT final tonight 🙂






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