May 14th

Well tomorrow 14th may is a anniversary of 2 sorts

1.9years wedding anniversary

2.1 year since lynx gt his autism diagnois

So its inevitable this week gets me thinking of the past and the future .

When I got married  I did it with the firm belief it was my happy ever after .Yes even at that point the relationship was violent and volatile ,but for the first time in my life I had belonged .We met young both lost souls looking to love and be loved and we looked forward to a family we never had .Even now I do not regret getting married and is one of the happiest days of my life .

I have been single for many years now and I make a joke of it saying il b on the shelf forever but you cant help but think dam have I had my chance of love ??

When I married and had kids I never did it for the intention of being a single parent .As much as its the most rewarding job in the world it is hard and lonely ! Even if I do meet someone it will never be someone who will enjoy being there for my kids as their own dad would …well actually that’s a another subject as he’s not superdad lol

we are not divorced yet and I think a part of that is I don’t like the label I will attach to myself .

Now onto lynx getting his diagnosis ..this was huge !! I had been fighting for it for years and when I got it it felt like I was finally being listened to . However a year on im still feeling like my voice isn’t being heard and being a sngle mum with a child on the spectrum is challenging and very exhausting .Im always honest wherever I write and there’s no shame in putting your hands up to say this is hard work . Its still very much a learning curve for all of us .We moved in February and that has really added to his anxieties .

He is my little man and wouldn’t have him any other way but at the moment im fighting for him to have our voices heard so Ive got a tough few months coming up .

So this brings me to thinking what has been and what will be ?

There are no guarantees in life ,im not quite sure what the future holds but im determined to be a strong women and accept my past and embrace my future .

 

 

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One comment on “May 14th

  1. You sound like a strong woman with beautiful children. Wishing you all a happy healthy future. I hope you get all the help and advice you need after the diagnosis. Amanda. Ps. Great photo.

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