wtf?????????????????

Excuse the title but this was my thought at about 2pm this afternoon. I had been happily enjoying my easter sunday kids were happy ,everyone was chilled and I was cooking dinner .Then bing my phone sent me a  facebook notification saying I had a friend  request from my adoptive mum????????? This woman  has not spoke to me since  I was 17 and im now 31 so do the maths .

I have had a mixture of emotions all day mainly confusion and anger . I felt completely out of sorts and knocked me for 6 .Its partly because of her im as much of a screw up as I am .I have major self esteem and rejection issues .Im still seeing a counsellor as a result and find it very hard to let anyone in to my life often pushing people away .

The thing is it may  not be her as there was no photo and I don’t know if that makes it worse that someone may find that funny?

I needed a hug today and instead I was faced with Estelle back from week at her dads with a scowl .

So of course in true Charlene way I took it out on her .

I feel like I really want a quiet happy life but there’s always something ! I am exhausted  in every way .

Of course I messaged this person resulting in no answers really .

So Easter Sunday was a mixed bag for me and don’t quite know how im feeling .